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Struggling with myself

Do you know that feeling, that idea that if you have time, you would …. Well, fill in on the dots what pops up in your head. I know what’s on my dots. Train twice a day. Not just a trail run or yoga in the morning, but also strength training in the evening. The truth is, I have time, but I’m not training twice a day. Which is why I’m struggling with myself these days.

Okay, I have all kinds of excuses. Some are better than others. But they are not more than excuses.

Right shoulder pain

First of all, something is wrong with my right shoulder, and I can’t figure out what. The biggest problem is that it’s getting worse every day. It started out more than a month ago as just some shoulder pain and a problem to lift my top arm in triangle pose (yoga).

That pain moved to my right deltoid. Now I feel my shoulder, deltoid, pectoralis, infra spinatus and coracoid process. If I do something as simple as putting on my jacket, the pain makes me feel nauseous.

I know I should go to my general practitioner, but I’m not such a big fan of Dutch doctors. Most of them don’t look at what causes the problem. Shoulder pain? Take a painkiller. Can’t sleep? Take a sleeping pill. Depressed? Take an antidepressant. That’s treating the effect, not the cause.

What started the pain in my shoulder, I think I know. I fell too many times during a trail run. My own fault. I always pay attention on the uphills and downhills, but when I get tired, I forget to focus on running on the flats. A tree route, hiding under leaves, mostly gets me.

The cat is not doing good

Excuse two is the cat. Maus is still not doing well. She is recovering from her surgery, but she keeps struggling with her ear. The swelling didn’t go away, and she is still shaking her head vigorously.

She still has to wear the collar, so she can’t scratch her ear. Yet, if we put it on she becomes this forlorn, sad cat. I don’t think that will make her heal quicker. So most of the day she is without the collar and I sit next to her on the sofa to make sure she’s not scratching. That limits my freedom to move around.

Seeing my cat being so sad makes me sad and feeling down as well.

We’re shooting a yoga course with Vera

Vera is here. We’re shooting a new hormonal yoga course and Vera’s part of the 30/30 of May next year. We love having her here. Vera is Vera. She’s just special.

She stays at Hygge on the other side of the forest. I pick her up in the morning, and bring her home in the afternoon. Sara films and edits these courses. To take some pressure away from Sara, I cook. Vegan. As neither Sara nor I am vegan, it means I need some time to search for recipes. So far I’ve made tofu burgers, portobello tacos, chili sin carne and a Thai green curry. It’s fun to do, it does take time.

World peace

I don’t know how it works in your head, but in my head when I put things off, they become bigger and bigger. For example, I still have to call a company to drill a hole in the wall so the cable of the solar panels can be connected to the fuse box. It’s just a phone call, but I haven’t done it for weeks. In my head it’s a huge job now. World peace is probably easier than this phone call.

Yes, that’s stupid, I know. Yet that’s how my mind works. That’s why I am struggling with myself. The way out, is to find some new energy, new inspiration or – as always – do some nice yoga. The problem with that; it’s another thing I have to do.

Okay enough complaining. Time to do something. Or shall I start tomorrow?

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